That’s Dr. Biden to You.

How belittling and bias impact women – even the future first lady

As a life long learner with a Master's Degree and lots of credentials after my name, Joseph Epstein’s op-ed in the Wall Street Journal "Is there a Doctor in the House? Not if You Need an MD?" touched a nerve.  My Irish Grandmother came to the US in 1930 with elementary school education, a work ethic, and a dream. She always said, "Education is your inheritance. Jobs and people may come and go, but no one can take away your Education."  My grandmother’s dreams came true as my mother was the first in her family to go to college and her children all now have degrees. My grandmother was right. My Education is the most critical thing I have done to further my career, become an independent female leader, and raise my children to value Education. Joseph Epstein’s calling for future First Lady, Jill Biden,  to stop using her “Doctor" title because she is not a medical doctor shook social media over the weekend, spurring outrage at the author Joe Epstein and the Wall Street Journal. Epstein offers Biden "a bit of advice, "referring to “Madame First Lady – Mrs. Biden – Jill – kiddo," Epstein recommends that she drop the honorific of “Doctor” before her name.

Epstein writes,"'Dr. Jill Biden' sounds and feels fraudulent, not to say a touch comic," explaining that after all, she only achieved her “Ed D – a doctor of education, earned at the University of Delaware.” He argued that a “wise man once said that no one should call himself ‘Dr.” unless he has delivered a child.”  The WSJ op ed speaks to unique challenges women face every day as we enter the business and political world created and defended by men; deprecating cutesy monikers and bias.

Cutesy Monikers 

Epstein refers to a grown, educated, 69-year-old, intelligent woman as "kiddo."  Professional career experts' consensus says that calling woman cutesy monikers is reminiscent of the “good ol' boy" network and has no place in business or politics. The nicknames are belittling and distracting, used to detract from a woman's credibility and respect, which is blatantly apparent in this case. It's time to recognize it, call it out, and finally stop it once and for all. 

Bias

Epstein’s sets out to diminish Biden's Education by attacking not only her achievement but the institution she attended and even when she pursued her degree.  Had she received her Ed D from an ivy league school, would he have boldly commented?

Epstein goes on to discount the future first lady's Education, completed in 2014, stating, "Ph.D.'s have lost prestige due to the erosion of seriousness and the relaxation of standards in the study of humanities." Should everyone who received a Ph.D. after 2014 stop using their titles? Or is it only educated women in the spotlight who make Epstein uncomfortable?  The obvious and blatant bias toward women continues as Epstein refers to a simile for rarity, by comparison, using the phrase: "Rarer than a contemporary university honorary-degree list not containing an African-American woman." 

Bias towards women stems from insecurity and fear. The unfortunate thing about bias is recognizing that it exists doesn't mean a person wants to change. The world now knows for certain that Epstein is biased.  The more critical and terrifying question is just how biased is the Wall Street Journal for printing this sexist op ed in the first place. Many men, including Dr. Henry Kissenger and Dr. Martin Luther King, were referred to by the WSJ journalists with the "Dr." title. They never delivered a baby.  

I can't help but notice that women continue to outpace men in the pursuit of Education. In my own experience, I had to have more credentials and designations that my male counterparts to get a seat at the table and keep it. Studying while working full time and raising a family was daunting and stressful, and I did it because I, like Jill Biden, never wavered on my aspirations and goals. 

Women know their value and no longer need to hide our accomplishments. Dr. Biden, the future first lady of the United States, said it best   “Together, we will build a world where the accomplishments of our daughters will be celebrated, rather than diminished.” 

That day should be here already.  It's 2020, people. Women will continue to rise up, celebrating, and acknowledging our contribution to the world.

Dr. Biden, continue to name and claim your Education and be a role model for women to courageously show up every day. You make a difference. 

B the Word... Stephanie Ward

Stephanie Ward

Founder Gifts for Moms

For many, the holiday season is a magical time full of family, gifts, friends and celebrations. For others it can be a lonely, stressful time. The concept of holiday cheer for some of us, amplifies feelings of loneliness for others.  Single Moms are often overlooked during the holidays. They go to great lengths to make sure their kids have a gift on Christmas Morning and often find themselves with nothing for themselves. In 2002 Stephanie Ward found herself in that exact situation. She adopted two children whose mother lost custody and literally overnight became a single mom. As the holiday’s rolled around, her old friends stopped calling and she found herself alone with her small children on Christmas. She spent everything she had to make sure the kids had a special gift under the tree. Yet there was nothing for her. Feeling sad and isolated, Stephanie decided to do something about it and founded the non-profit organization “Gifts for Moms.” 

Now in its 14th year, Gifts for Mom’s mission is to strengthen and improve the lives of single parents and their children.

Stephanie is a Bold, Badass woman who lives her truth and makes a difference every day.

Here is her story.

www.giftsformoms.org

“Single mom’s focus on making the holiday’s special for their children. They never think of themselves. ”

— SW

TK: Tell me about Gifts for Mom’s and why you started the organization.

SW:  It started out as a way to collect donations to give single mom’s a special gift during the holidays.  It has grown beyond my dreams over the years. I set the organization up as a peer to peer organization because I think moms are helped by helping others.  We require that they volunteer, attend seminars, share and encourage and support each other.  We understand that we are not owed the gratitude of others. The organization is designed to move women from struggling to striving. We have an expectation that our moms are working toward goals of a better job, school, home or business ownership. 

TK: In addition to gifts for single moms, what other services do you provide? 

SW: We host classes on home ownership, seminars on credit repair, we offer resume help, we are a resource for social services.  We have a discount on auto repair and we have a fund for emergency utility bills.  We also host events where moms can connect and spend time with other moms.  We also hosted a monthly support group before COVID. We do a clothing swap, and host a range of seminars that offer valuable information to help families. 

 TK: What are some challenges unique to single moms?

SW: I have owned a business, put myself through college and worked as a journalist. Despite the many challenges, being a single mom was by far, the hardest job I have ever had. Challenges come from money issues, schedules, homework, discipline issues, school and work obligations. There is no one there as a back up. We do it all.

My heart goes out to single moms, there is nothing like the loneliness and stress that not having enough brings.  I am always thinking of ways to make their lives better. 

 TK: Where can someone who wants to help reach you?

 SW: This year has been extremely challenging for single mom’s and the needs are greater than ever before. If you are in the Collin County area we will be hosting a big single moms drive by party this weekend at Chase Oaks Church 281 Legacy Drive, Plano TX 75023.  We need door prize gifts so please consider making a donation.

 We still need sponsors for several families. If you would like to adopt a family for Christmas, please contact us.   You can send an email to stephanie@giftsformoms.org or giftsformoms@rocketmail.com

Gifts for Moms office.: 214 935-8994

  TK:  How do people in need reach out to you? 

 SW:   Our service area is Collin County where 6.74% of the population (909,894 people) live below the poverty line.  This number is lower than the national average of 14.7%; but the largest demographic living in poverty is females aged 25-34 with children. Referrals are usually by word of mouth. You can follow us on our Facebook group. https://www.facebook.com/searc/top?q=gifts%20for%20moms%20group

The B Words: 13 Words Every Woman Must Navigate for Success

By Tricia Kagerer

Buy on Amazon

B the Word... Justine Ager, Part 2

Justine Ager

We continue Justine’s story from part one: Read it here.

The Fateful Night

On December 30th, I worked a double shift and joined a group of friends to watch the Bronco game. I came home much later than expected, and I knew he would be angry. Little did I know that as I turned the knob and walked through the door, he would soon alter my life forever.

As the door opened, Tim screamed:" where the F@$! were you." I replied, "I'm here to get the dog, and I am leaving."  Otis, was hiding under the bed in fear. He grabbed my purse that I had around my neck and choked me with the strap, slamming my head into the kitchen countertop and fracturing my temporal lobe. Panic was racing through my veins: I knew I was in trouble.  I ran toward the balcony, screaming for my life. He pulled me back, warning, "Don't do that again." And so began the fight of a lifetime. We argued in the apartment for hours as I pleaded and begged, no one came to help. 

During the police investigation, a distraught neighbor confessed that she could hear my cry's for help but could not figure out where it was coming from. 

The hours continued, as did the physical beating. I knew I had to get out if I was going to survive. I made one more run for the balcony. As I made it out the door, my last, desperate cry for help escaped my lips as I heard his rapid approach behind me declaring in my ear, "I told you not to do that again." I felt the cold bar of the small patio table press into my upper thighs as he choked me. As he pushed me into the balcony ledge, my left shoulder blade fractured. That was the last thing I remember. He chocked me until I became unconscious, and threw me head first off the balcony, three stories, 43 feet to the cold, concrete ground below. 

My New Life 

The doctors who saved me later told me that two things saved my life that night.  First, as a teenager, I had a steel rod put in my spine due to severe scoliosis.  Second, Tim knocked me unconscious before he tossed me over the ledge. The young woman who heard my earlier desperate cry saw me first. I landed right in front of her apartment. Another neighbor, an EMT, just happened to arrive home at the exact moment I landed. The neighbor helped me survive. As I lay there full of scratches, blood, broken and bruised, Tim made his way down to the sidewalk. He circled me, screaming, "Why me! Why me!" He tried to shake me, bruising my biceps. At the moment the ambulance finally arrived, I died. They resuscitated me and put me into an induced coma where I resided for two weeks. 

During the ordeal, I contemplated calling the police three times. Each time, Tim warned me that it was at my peril, and I would lose my license. In the past I had a DUI issue that was about to be finalized. He warned me that a domestic violence charge would delay me finally getting my license reinstated.  He had such power over me and was able to twist my every weakness into his advantage.  In hindsight, one thing has nothing to do with the other, but at that moment, after years of mind games and abuse, I believed him. 

As I lay in a coma, my family was by my side, waiting to see if I would survive.  Tim came to the hospital to inform my family, "This is all your fault for never accepting me as part of your family." My brother sat at my bedside the entire time I was in a coma. Tim didn't expect that my family would never leave me alone. They surrounded me and protected me, much to his disappointment. 

After two weeks, I woke up and began to heal. Overall I was at Denver Health Hospital for one month and Craig Rehabilitation for another two months. My recovery included starting over at the beginning learning how to walk, and get dressed on my own again. For the first few weeks, I never imagined that I sustained permanent damage. I assumed over time; my life would go back to normal. Unfortunately, that will never be the case. 

COVID and Domestic Violence

During the COVID-19 pandemic most of us have experienced lock-downs and other social-distancing efforts in order to reduce the spread of the virus. Unfortunately the “safer at home” concept doesn’t apply to victims of domestic violence.

After the first month of stay-at-home orders, nine major metropolitan cities reported approximately between 20% and 30% increases in DV service calls (Tolan, 2020), with some regions as high as 62% (Northern Regional Police Department; Hartmann, 2020). 

The Consequences 

Tim moved on and left the state. He was never criminally charged.  The police investigation showed that while he changed his story several times, we could not press charges. I passed out before he threw me over the balcony. There were no witnesses. Therefore, he walked away a free man.  To this day, most domestic violence cases end this way. A man is rarely prosecuted for abuse. 

I have worked hard on both my physical strength and my emotional well being.  After the incident, I went to therapy for a long time and identified the behavior patterns that led me to believe that this kind of abuse was acceptable. To move on and use my experience to help others, I had to forgive him for what he did to me. I refuse to live as a victim. I survived, and now I will use my story to help other women in similar situations before it is too late. 

I believe God spared my life because my work here on earth is not complete. I have more to do. I recognize that the path I was on that led me to this toxic relationship was not the end of my story. I'm now on the track to help others. Recently I have become a shaman and plan to work with others to identify and address negativity. 

Overall I suffered 23 different injuries that night. Somehow, I recovered from most. Unfortunately, several remain with me forever. I am blind in one eye, suffer from chronic neuropathy in my legs and migraines, and can no longer work again. I endured intense rehabilitation and can live independently after spending two years at my mother's home. 

For those I have met who ask “How could you stay? Why did you let this happen?” I recognize that they have never been in a toxic relationship. The relationship itself is paralyzing and mind altering. 

My independence is critical to my success. It relieved my propensity toward depression, ignited my spirit, and I am stronger and more confident than ever before. 

For any woman enduring a toxic relationship, I implore you to make a plan to leave before it is too late. Reach out to your support system, resources in your community, or at work or church. Tell someone today. By speaking the truth, you can begin to create a bold path toward change.  Do it before it's too late. 

“By speaking the truth, you can begin to create a bold path toward change.  Do it before it’s too late. ”

— JA

National Domestic Violence Hotline 

www.The hotline.org 

1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or  1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

The B Words: 13 Words Every Woman Must Navigate for Success

By Tricia Kagerer

Buy on Amazon