Justine Ager
As the holidays approach and COVID restrictions increase across the United States, domestic violence advocates anticipate yet another challenge – increased domestic abuse. Domestic violence cases tend to spike during the holidays. Holidays can be a significant source of family and financial stress. Add a pandemic, job concerns and increased isolation to the situation and we create the perfect storm.
Awareness is power. Justine Ager is a survivor with a powerful story to share. We hope that we will empower someone who may be in a dangerous situation to take action and ultimately save a life.
I have struggled throughout my life with self-acceptance and self-worth. I suffered from a desire to "save" people who don't want to be saved. My first real relationship at 21 years old was an abusive one, which ended with the man who was supposed to love me trying to kill me. When he was unsuccessful, he stalked me for over a year back in a time when there were no stalking laws, and there was no protection. Three things saved me from this situation; my mother protected me and helped me rebuild my shredded self-esteem, faith, and career.
When I heard about Justine Ager's story, who at just 23 years old was left for dead on the sidewalk outside of her apartment complex in the winter of 2013, I knew it must be shared.
The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (NRCDV) reports that young women between 18 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence, almost double the national average. Domestic violence occurs when one person in a relationship tries to establish power and control over the other through a pattern of intentional behaviors that can include physical, psychological, emotional, and sexual abuse.
Thirty years after my own experience with a violent partner, Justine experienced a similar yet much more dangerous fate. Tossed over a balcony, left for dead by her boyfriend, Justine did not die. She is alive, well, and empowered to help others end, once and for all, the domestic abuse cycle for other women. This story highlights while women have come so far, there is still so much work to be done to change the power dynamic and create laws to protect victims of abuse.
Justine is bold and brave in every way and has overcome more in eight years that most of us experience in a lifetime. Here is Justine's story.
The Boyfriend
Justine’s Chihuahua, Otis
Tim was in oil and gas, and I was in college, studying art at a community college when we met in 2010. We met in a bar in Steamboat Springs. It started as a fun and exhilarating relationship but, over time, morphed into an unhealthy, controlling, abusive one, and I could not see a way out. We dated for about two years when his job required him to move to rural Pennsylvania, and I foolishly decided to follow him. His job required him to be gone for long periods, and I was left alone in a tiny town with no support system, no friends, money, or a job. It was a very lonely time. I only had my Chihuahua, Otis, as my companion. In hindsight, I now know that this was all an intentional move on Tim's part to isolate me from my support system and my family.
As time passed, we began to argue more, and he became increasingly more verbally abusive and ultimately violent. One day he came home from work and retreated to the bedroom to go to sleep. Having been alone all day, I was chatty as he put the covers over his head, yelling, "I don't want t talk." I asked one more question and suddenly found myself being flung off the bed by my hair as I catapulted to the floor. He screamed, "I told you I don't want to talk." I was in shock and pain as I got up off the floor and immediately grabbed my suitcase and began packing. Tim snickered at me as he said, "Where do you think you are going with all that? I will be sending you home with one bag on the plane. That's all you will get to take with you." I was crying, physically injured, and mentally exhausted. In the middle of winter, I took Otis and my blanket and slept all night in the car. He never checked on me, never apologized, never said a word. The next morning, I went back inside and stayed. The reality at that moment was I believed I had nowhere else to go.
Justine with her mother, brothers and sister-in-law
The relationship deteriorated, and I found myself doing things that I never thought I would do and tolerating circumstances I never thought I would accept. Crazy breeds crazy. He threatened me on a regular basis and regularly threatened to kill Otis. I believed him. After another physical altercation, I finally reached out to my brother, Brandon, who was traveling out my way. He agreed to drive 500 miles out of his way to get me and my things if I promised him I would leave. I packed up my belongings and my dog and went back home to Denver.
The Rebound
I found a job as a server in a restaurant, and things were looking up for me. I rented an apartment near downtown and was making ends meet on my own. I felt better. My only mistake was I stayed in touch with Tim. He showed up one day at my apartment. He had quit his job and needed a place to stay. I made the mistake of saying yes. Despite everything we had been through, I felt sorry for him and let him stay.
I continued to work many shifts as a server to pay the bills. I paid for everything. Tim paid for nothing. Tim’s days consisted of playing video games, smoking pot on my couch. While he couldn’t muster the time or energy to find a job, unbeknownst to me, he had a Match.com account and corresponded with four other women. I began to go out drinking after work with friends to avoid him, which ignited his anger, and soon the violence continued. One day he ripped the Xbox out of the console and hurled it at the TV, destroying everything. He choked me. I blamed myself, figuring, somehow I deserved it.
As the holidays approached, I made plans to visit my family. Tim wanted no part of any family events. I was planning to break up with him, and I realized I would need help to get out without help. I reached out to my brother again, and we texted about the break-up. I found out later that Tim was monitoring my texts and knew about it all along.
The Fateful Night
On December 30th, I worked a double shift and joined a group of friends to watch the Bronco game. I came home much later than expected, and I knew he would be angry. Little did I know that as I turned the knob and walked through the door, he would soon alter my life forever.
To be continued.
Read the rest of the story on November 24, 2020 at www.triciakagerer.com
National Domestic Violence Hotline www.The hotline.org
The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
